this living's killing me.

I wish life was like a piece of paper,
if you write something, and screw up..
you just srunch it up, throw it out, and start over.

Eminem - Beautiful

And I know some shits so hard to swallow,
but I just can't sit back and wallow
In my own sorrow, but I know one fact, I'll be one tough act to follow
One tough act to follow, I'll be one tough act to follow

goes to show, we'll never change.

These days have never been colder.

Every cold day we're getting older.

It all comes down to the sunrise, on the eastside.

So this is my life.

This is my life now.

This is my time, I’ll take what’s mine.

I can’t stop them, but I can try.

This is my life, it’s only mine.

We fall in love, and we fall apart.

control me.
I'm easy to control.
keep my leash short.
because you know I won't do anything.
I can't do anything about it.
my words are vain.
too vain to say.
so they'll never be heard.
trapped on the tip of my tounge.
my lips are a door.
not willing to open.
not willing to let them go.
I know what they can do,
these words.
and the outcome is terrifying.
terrifying and unfair.
the leash around my neck will keep me in your reach.
but don't tug it too hard.
my neck will break before it bends.
I'll break before I bend.

This blog is useless, I'm talking to myself.

Are you getting sick yet?
sick and tired yet?
of how you're living.
how you're acting.
the way you feel.
are you sick of it?
I am.
I'm fucking sick of this.
I'm sick.
I wish you were still the good kid you told yourself,
you'd always be.
That good kid.
I wish I could be.

You'll always be remembered, I swear.

Goodbye Levi and Paige.
You we two, GREAT people.
We miss you.
We all miss you.
Our hearts full of pain.
We miss you.

this is our decision, we live fast and we die young.

you know we keep secrets from you.
But you need to let it go,
because you're never going to know.

just hold your hope.

he said it was a one night stand,
but the alcohol wouldn't let her understand.
she doesn't deserve to be in a place like this,
all alone.
somebody should tell her,
"you're at your best when you're sober."

quit stalling, make a name for yourself.

you want to see me.
see the real me.
here I am.
bare of disguise.
this is me.
accept it.
appect me.
I won't change for you.
I can't, change.
not for you.

he gave me a word of advice.

"stop lying stop trying, I know you gave up on your life a long time ago. "

I won't give up until it's over.

nobody can stop me, nobody can make me stand still.
nobody can stop me, nobody can make me stand still.
nobody can stop me, nobody can make me stand still.

everyone who runs towards him, makes it.

nobody can me me stand still.

innocent people will suffer for your stubborness and pride.

one of us is problemed.
fucked up.
messed up.
she wants it to be me.
so doctor,
put me on some useless perscription drug
just to make her happy.

perfect's easy.

crack a smile sunshine,
you're alright.
you don't want your secret to get out,
do you?
no.
then crack that damn smile.
you don't hide things too well.
they'll figure you out.
someday, they'll see right through you.
they're going to have you all figured out.
then, you'll wish you had smiled a bit more.

no one reads these blogs anyways..

the words cant come out,
they never come out right.
the things I want to say,
the things I need to tell you,
I can't let you know.
you can't know.
I need you to know.
but you cant.

would you even understand,
if I began to even try to tell you?
would you understand?
would you listen?
would you hear what I am trying to say?
would you judge me?
or would you understand why?
can you even begin to understand why?
why this is happening.
why is this happening?
I don't even know,
I can't even understand.
so how could you?

I need so desperately to tell you.
I need so desperately for you to understand.
but you cant.
you cant.

october.

dig me a deep grave,
to the center of the earth.
throw me in and let everyone forget.
mark my grave "unknown"
and let everyone forget.

Joe Anderson

Hey Jude
Don't make it bad
Take a sad song
And make it better
Remember To let her into your heart
then you can start to make it better.

Hey jude
don't be afraid
you are made to go out and get her
the minute you let her under your skin
you begin to make it better

Anytime you feel the pain
Hey Jude, refrain
Don't carry the world upon your shoulder
well you know that its a fool
who plays it cool
by making things worse
a little colder
na na
na
na na
na
na na
na

Hey Jude
don't let me down
you have found her
now go and get her
let it out and let it in
remember to let her into your heart
and you can start to make it better
better
better
better
better
better
na
na na na na na
na na na
Hey Jude
na
na na na na na
na na na
Hey Jude
na
na na na na na
na na na
Hey Jude
na
na na na na na
na na na
Hey Jude
na
na na na na na
na na na
Hey Jude
na
na na na na na
na na na
Hey Jude.

you can make it.

"Did you know that when a bone breaks it heals to be stonger than it was in the first place. But it hurts to break bones, and wearing a cast is frustrating. It takes a lot of tender care for a break to fully heal, and it's not easy."

save me.

God,
If you're up there,
watching over me..
I'm lost and I'm broken.
Take the pain away.
Show me love,
only in your arms.
Take my life.
I'll scream it to the world,
I am YOURS.

Strut.

A huge mistake is being made right now.
They know it, she knows it, they don't care.
She's in it for herself , he's in it for himself.
He's in it for her.
He knows what he's doing, he's done this before.
But thats not the huge mistake.
This is how it begins.

Some mistakes are made in public, some private.
Which one is this?
Not everybody cares.
Maybe they should.

This is a lesson she's about to learn.
Pretty girls like this usually land on their feet.
Although hindsight would be very helpful right now.

The comfort you spend a lifetime accumulating, is quickly crushed by a stranger.
Humiliation is the great leveler.
Now she knows.
This one moment of her life, she realizes she won't get it back.
But one moment is not a lifetime.

she is not undone, she is not undone, she is not undone.

where are you, where are you, where are you?

Who am I?
It's a question we all ask, but aren't able to answer.
Not yet, maybe never.